This web site, insourced.com, is the latest in a run of several web-based businesses that have managed to adequately compensate us for almost nine years. We have executed several unique business models that have resulted in various levels of success during that period. I enjoy the autonomy that self-employment provides and I’ve been heard to spew such nonsense as, “It doesn’t matter what I’m doing, as long as I’m working for myself.” But that’s baloney and completely untrue. Of course it matters what I’m doing. It would matter whether I was working for myself or working for someone else. There are many jobs that I simply would not accept under any circumstances.

Here are a few:

Extreme Wildlife “Whisperer”

Please don’t misinterpret this. I love nature, wildlife, and I support the preservation of natural habitats and the environment in general. And I enjoy watching Animal Planet. I subscribe to National Geographic. But I never wanted Steve Irwin’s job. Did I find what he did entertaining to watch? Yes. But at no point could I ever envision myself engaging the animals that he felt so comfortable around. Given the circumstances of his tragic death, I don’t think it’s appropriate to expound on the dangers inherent in his line of work. They are obvious. And there are many more wildlife handlers and television programs out there now that are doing the same kinds of things. And while these people are obviously courageous and possess a great knowledge of the animals they are handling, it is simply an occupational sector that I never wish to explore.

Observing animals, studying them from a distance, photographing them, etc. are all things that I find interesting and would certainly pursue as a career option if I had the training and the opportunity. It’s the interaction and the direct contact that are the deal-breakers for me.

I just don’t feel comfortable in an environment over which I have no real control. After all, these are wild animals. That description alone tells me that they are not truly controllable, regardless of the precautions taken. And although humans are animals too, I don’t think it is natural for humans to have close interaction with certain types of animals. In my opinion, swimming with feeding sharks is as natural as having a few hungry sharks accompany me on my lunch run to Burger King. It just doesn’t make any sense.

Garage and/or Basement Organizer

Whether this is an actual profession, I do not know. I do know, however, that I have attempted to serve in this role in my own house and failed miserably. As a result, I know that I could never accept or perform this job. My problem is a chronic condition that could be described as an inability to control clutter, a lack of motivation to organize large piles of debris, or perhaps a general laziness. No matter, for I know I am not alone in my illness. I suspect I have millions of brothers and sisters out there that feel my pain on a daily basis. I’ve got a two-car garage that has never housed a vehicle, but is currently home to a Christmas tree, old furniture, firewood, file cabinets, and countless unopened boxes of unknown and potentially dubious sentimental value.

And this is not to say that I have not made any progress in trying to sort out my mess. I have probably made a dozen trips to the local recycling center and landfill in the two years that I have live in my house. But, in defiance of the physical laws of the universe, the new clutter is somehow amassing faster than I can remove the old clutter. It’s entropy gone awry. Of course, I’d like to load up a truck and just take everything away. But this would probably result in the end of my marriage or at least a few counseling sessions, neither of which is an acceptable option.

The fact that much of the “mess” to which I so lovingly refer is not comprised of “my stuff” presents yet another level of complexity to the problem. There is a delicate balance that must be reached between removing clutter and appropriately honoring the importance of material objects that have been assigned emotional meanings. But I digress.

I also have a full unfinished basement that is currently serving as the overflow area for the garage. I can’t even talk about the basement because it horrifies me even more than swimming with feeding great white sharks would frighten me.

Long-Haul Truck Driver

I love the open road, as well as driving to destinations around the Mid-Atlantic region for weekend getaways and full-blown vacations. In the past three months, I’ve been to Virginia Beach, a friend’s 150-acre farm in Southern Pennsylvania, the Blue Ridge Mountains in Southwestern Virginia and, on many occasions, to various parts of Maryland’s Green Ridge State forest. These trips take from one and a half to five hours to complete. But with the windows down, friends in tow, music playing and the sun shining, even the occasional traffic jam on the Woodrow Wilson bridge or along I-70 can be easily overcome, especially with thoughts of a beautiful destination in mind.

But to drive for the sake of delivering someone else’s cargo? No way. Just sitting still for hours at a time is maddening to me, but doing so at night, in the rain, in the snow, all alone, in constant traffic jams and with a massive trailer weaving behind me is way more than I could handle. For the sake of my sanity, I would have to quit such a job about 3 hours into my first run. The only question would be where to leave my rig. Perhaps the side of the road would work. I could post it for sale on Craig’s List via my laptop computer and a WiFi connection and use my on-board GPS in conjunction with Google Earth to include my side-of-the-road stopping point as the location of the item for sale.

Unfortunately, I think leaving the trailer on the side of the road would not only lead to my dismissal from my position as a transportation specialist, but may also precipitate a civil suit over the abandoned goods. Again, for the sake of both my sanity and to avoid such unseemly legal wrangling, I’ll avoid driving a long-haul truck in the future.

While these positions may represent fantastic career opportunities for many people, they are simply not for me. I don’t think I’m painting myself into too much of a corner by scratching these jobs off my list. In fact, there are virtually thousands of positions of questionable value to humanity that I am more than qualified to fill. As for the many jobs that I simply cannot or will not accept, well, that just means there are more opportunities out there for you, the avid and industrious job seeker.

Tags: bad jobs

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